*Satire piece from the “Joak” Leaves*
In light of recent events on and off-campus, college of business professor Ryan Hedstrom has exciting news for students and faculty at Manchester University.
“I am proud to officially announce Best Self Café, a fast-casual gourmet eating experience, will be opening Friday night of May Day Weekend on the third floor of the Administration building!” Hedstrom said.
After deciding to move out all staff from the Administration building, the Board of Trustees reviewed and vetted all potential options with what to do with the soon-to-be vacant space. Hedstrom quickly recognized a business opportunity that would benefit the entire community.
“With staff moving out of the Admin building, the time just seemed right,” Hedstrom explained. “I really wanted to maximize on the potential of the third floor. Who knows, maybe with the wind and snow there could even be a natural skylight or two up there.”
“The focus is on providing everyone on campus something entirely different that what is offered in the area,” Hedstrom continued. “Whether impressing a fancy date or just coming off some Frisbee on the mall, this place will have something for you!”
With local fast food restaurants Taco Bell and Hardees closing in recent months, the newest arrival to campus will hope to attract customers that no longer have a favorite restaurant of choice in the local community.
“The focus is on food that helps you be your best self,” Hedstrom said. “So, it’s going to be a self-serve concept like Flat Top Grille or Mongolian BBQ. It is really an up and coming theme in larger cities like Wabash and Urbana.”
With the tagline of ‘Unpeeling the layers of your best self’ all food options (such as eggs, fruit, vegetables, and shrimp) will have to be unpeeled. The management team, however, is adamant on taking self-sufficiency to the next level.
“You will choose the food that go into your dish on a buffet line, line up at the grill, and then…well, you will have to begin cooking it yourself!” Hedstrom said. “This should help you learn how to cook and help you develop into your best self. That way you can get really in touch with your meal.”
Students can look forward to taste-testing the new restaurant as a dinner option. “It will fit with my teaching schedule pretty well,” he said, “and I will be providing internship hours to all workers.”
“We will also be offering community service hours for students in the way of dish washing, valet parking, and rolling up silverware and napkins,” Hedstrom said.
A sport management and business management professor by day, Hedstrom is thrilled for the opportunity to begin working on a small business idea he’s had in his mind for some time.
“After years of taking students on study abroad trips to countries such as England, Ireland, Greece, and Italy, one of my favorite parts is discovering the local cuisine,” Hedstrom explained. “I’ve always thought if I ever had my own chance to create a restaurant, it would be neat to create monthly specials highlighting places in the world I have travelled to or would like to travel to. ”
“We have a strong sense of international spirit on this campus,” Hedstrom continued. “I think students will really enjoy creating dishes that are entirely new to them, or even remind them of home.”
Although primarily Hedstrom’s idea, he is eager to get others involved with the project.
“I really want to make this a community concept,” he said. “I’m currently looking for student investors. For an investment of $500,000, I am offering a one percent share in what is to become, I am sure, the hottest new restaurant in the entire Administration building.”
“At least until Chipotle moves into the basement,” said Hedstrom, reluctantly.
When asked how he came up with the restaurant’s name, Hedstrom was flummoxed. “Honestly, I’m not sure,” he said. “The name just came to me, but I feel like I’ve heard it before.”